Its a Phish Day....

Because its fun, and its lovely and its silly and its one of those kinds of days.

Maybe.....

i remember the day i fell in love with him, like it was yesterday, like it hadn't been marred by all the nasty stuff that got in the middle. No part of me has ever forgotten for much more than a moment how much i've loved him, though i've often questioned why or questioned what i was supposed to do with that. it continues to escape me even after all this time, how i'm supposed to get over him, and that, well perhaps that's the scariest part.

i remember the first time he sang my lullabye, and the last. i sing it softly to ani sometimes now, watching how her little breath slows to a regular soothing lullabye of its own, and i wonder what it would have been like to rock our baby like that.

And now his voice whispers in my ear again, and remember how, once upon a time, i was almost his baby and that was the only place i longed to be. I remember how much this song meant to me, how it was one of the few times before he drew so far away that he was able to express true emotion. And now he says all the words, all the things that were necessary so long ago and were never said.

And i cannot help but to be confused.......

i've never loved like this before......and i don't know how to stop, nor do i know how to go forward.