2003-10-28 - 12:40 p.m.

I'm tired of living today. I'm tired of pain and being endlessly exhausted from it and medications. I'm tired of wondering when they're going to let me go here with a mix of hope and dread. I'm tired of worrying about everyone. I'm tired of carrying the facade of the strong one when I'm so very weak inside. I'm tired of hurting.

If it weren't for the absolute luscious moments of friendship shared with a few select souls in my life I would succumb to the urge to sleep and lay down my soul for a long hibernation.

Do you wonder why we have built our lives the way we have? All the control to shape daily life was ours throughout history and this is what we made? I world powered by the energy of people rushing so fast to get to the next thing they have no time to stop and live the moment.

I want to stop and smell the roses. I want to spend entire days talking with my friends and being lazy and holding them and kissing them and braiding daisys in their hair. I want to smile at the dew on the grass and the sunset and the little precious moments we all forget, not rush by to get to work to make a paycheck to buy things I don't need to make me happy. Taste my laughter...does it tickle on your tongue? Feel my smiles and my heart break and hold my songs in your hands. Stop and turn your world of what is into a world of what could be and just stop. Let it be.....and then climb inside what is and explore it in ways you never have before.

Corny I guess...idealistic, yeah. Wrong? I don't think so..